The Verdict.

It looks like Aubryn is going to get tubes in her ears on Febuary 16th.   We went to see an ENT at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia this morning.  (Have I mentioned how blessed we are to live close to one of, if not the, best children’s hospitals in the world?)  Aubryn has a double ear infection from the nasty cold she’s had all week.  What is more disturbing is that she has some hearing loss from all of the ear infections that she’s had since September.

My prayer is that the tubes will alleviate the pressure and her hearing will come back to normal.  Although the tubes won’t eliminate all potential ear infections, the frequency and severity should lessen.  That would be wonderful!

Published in: on January 30, 2009 at 11:25 am  Comments (3)  

Wits end.

I’ll admit it.  I’m at my wits end.

Aubryn has been sick again all week.

On Monday, I got a call around 3 p.m. at work that she had a fever of 103 degrees.  Again.  Ugh.

My mom picked her up and took her to our pediatrician’s office.  She did not yet have an ear infection, just a bad cold with a fever.

Today (Thursday), she still has that bad cold.  She still has a fever.  She has missed an entire week of school again.

Of the four weeks of January, Aubryn has been home sick for three of them.

When Aubryn is sick, she does not sleep.  When she does not sleep, none of us sleep.

I slept 2.5 hours on Monday night, 3 hours on Tuesday night and 4 hours last night.

9.5 hours of sleep in three nights does not make for a good mental state.  I had a break down this morning while I was getting ready for work.  I just could not stop crying – between the lack of sleep and the frustration because she is so sick again and the guilt that I feel because she goes to daycare, I lost it.

I’m at my wits end.  Hopefully she’ll be healthier in February.

Published in: on January 29, 2009 at 8:41 pm  Comments (1)  

Your first breath took mine away.

first-birthday

Dear Aubryn,

In an instant my life was forever changed.  With your first breath, you took mine away and I have never quite recovered.

You were in a hurry to get here and you haven’t looked back.  I’m just glad that I am along for the ride.  Thank you for being my daughter.  Thank you for loving me unconditionally.  I can’t even begin to describe my depth of love for you.  When you were born and the doctor placed you on my belly, I remember that you looked up at me and all that I could think was “thank you God for giving me something so perfect and beautiful.”

You are sweet and silly.  You sometimes flirt (especially with your Daddy) and are often coy.  Your belly laugh infects the entire room.  Everyone who meets you is instantly in love with you.  I can see why.

It has been exciting and wonderful to watch you grow from a tiny newborn into a precocious toddler.  Hearing your first words has been magical.  I love to watch you think and learn and explore.  I can’t wait for your first steps.

I see so much of myself in you – and not only because you are my clone with dark eyes like your Daddy.  My prayer is that God will give Daddy and me the strengh and wisdom to raise you to be a confident woman.  I promise to fiercely protect you and your hopes and dreams.

Today is bittersweet for me.  I am sad that you are no longer a baby but I am so very, very excited for what lies ahead for you.

I love you sweet angel – more than you can even imagine.  You are my life and my greatest blessing.

Love,

Mommy

Published in: on January 28, 2009 at 3:39 am  Leave a Comment  

January 28, 2008, 3:39 a.m. …

the moment that my life changed forever.

Alternately titled:  “Honey, would you mind terribly if we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts to get coffee?”

My water broke on a Sunday night.  Tom and I spent Saturday night watching the Bourne Identity.  I spent Sunday shopping with my mom.  I had woken up that morning in a panic that I had absolutely no newborn clothes, only 0 to 3 month clothes.  So off to TJ Maxx we went after church!  While we were there, my mom kept telling me that I looked like I was in labor.  My belly was tightening and “getting pointy” according to my mom.  She kept telling me that I was in labor but it didn’t hurt.

After shopping, I went to the gym and walked a 5K on the treadmill.  Hard core, I know.  Just don’t ask me when I last set foot in the gym m’kay?

Tom and I settled down to watch the Bourne Supremacy. With 5 minutes left in the movie, Aubryn got a really bad case of the hiccups.  They were so bad and she was so low that I had to get up off the couch.  I walked around for a bit and just as I sat back down on the couch.  Pop!  My water broke. It was 10:55 p.m.

Being the first time mom that I was, I wasn’t sure whether my water had really broken or, ahem, something else had happened.  After I had to change my yoga pants twice, I had pretty well confirmed that my water had indeed broken.

Now, in our childbirth classes, the nurse told us over and over and over again that first babies take 12 to 15 hours.  My secretary, my cleaning lady, everyone told me to labor at home as long as possible.  Many said these things in front of Tom – that was the first mistake.

When my water broke, Tom announced that he was going to bed to get some sleep since it was going to be a long night for him.  Long night for him?  He advised me that I should do the same.  I lasted about 5 minutes in bed.

My contractions did not start until after my water broke but they started almost immediately after.  As soon as they started, they were coming fast and strong.  Let’s just say that with every contraction, my body was clearing itself out – from both ends.  I spent the first two hours that I was in labor on the floor in my bathroom.

Around 1:00 a.m., we decided that it was time to call the doctor.  I was physically unable to make the call so Tom did it.  He gave the relevant information to the answering service and we waited.  And we waited.  And we waited.  The doctor never called back.

At 2:00 a.m., we called again.  The answering service had taken our number down wrong.  Some unsuspecting person got a call from my O.B. at 1:00 a.m.  Oops.  The doctor told us to come on in but that it would probably be a little while since this was a first baby and all.

I hadn’t finished packing my bag yet so while Tom finished packing my bag, I tried to get myself dressed.  Not easy.  Not. Easy.  I think that getting sneakers on my feet at that moment was just about the hardest thing that I have ever done.

We finally got into the car and on our way around 2:45 or so.  By the time that we got into the car, my contractions were one on top of another.  I remember telling Tom that I thought that I was going to die.  And, I really did believe that I was going to die.

As we came down the hill from our house into town, Tom turned to me and said “Honey, would you mind terribly if we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee?”  I cannot exactly remember how I responded but I am sure that it was not nice.

By the time we were on the highway going towards the hospital, I had my feet up on the dashboard and I was pushing.  I couldn’t stop.  I just had this overwhelming, uncontrollable urge to push.  So I did.

We pulled into the parking lot of the Emergency Room (when you come in after hours, you have to come in through the ER) and before I was even out of the car, a very nervous looking security guard was putting me into a wheelchair and taking me upstairs to Labor and Delivery.  I mean, honestly, people come in with head wounds and severed limbs and they FREAK OUT in the ER when a woman comes through who is in labor!  We walked across the threshold of the ER at 3:20 a.m.

When I got upstairs, my nurse, Denise, asked me if I wanted an epidural.  I believe that my answer was “I can’t do this without one and I think that I am going to die.”  She sent me into the bathroom to get changed and told me to come back out so that she could check me.

I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet to get changed.  BIG MISTAKE.  I had the uncontrollable urge to push again.  I remember telling Tom that if he did not get me up off of there that I was afraid that I was going to give birth on the toilet.

Tom and the nurse got me into the bed and the nurse checked me.  She looked at me with a look of panic and said “no epidural for you, your baby’s head is crowning but DON’T PUSH.”  At that point I began to panic.  NO. EPIDURAL?  That was NOT my plan.  I begged, I pleaded but to no avail.  There was no epidural in my future.

Another nurse came in and they were trying frantically to keep me from pushing.  They were trying to distract me, trying to have me pant, trying to give my doctor time to get there.

My doctor walked in and pulled on a gown just in time to catch Aubryn.  I can distinctly remember, with the last push, thinking to myself “This is it!  I am about to become a MOM!”  My doctor put Aubryn onto my stomach turned to me and said “You need to have another.  You were born to have babies.”  Really? I can remember thinking that this was just about the most ridiculous thing that one could say to a woman who had literally just birthed a baby.

Aubryn Elizabeth entered this world at 3:39 a.m. on January 28, 2008 at 6 pounds, 10 ounces and 20 inches long.  She was (and still is) the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen.

We had 19 minutes to spare from the time that I entered the ER until she was born.  Yes, I am glad that Tom chose not to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts!

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Published in: on January 27, 2009 at 12:00 pm  Comments (4)  

What I’ve learned this week.

Jo-Lynne at Musings of a Housewife is hosting a carnival called “What I’ve Learned this Week.”  FUN!

Being the rule breaker that I am, I am changing things up a bit.  Instead of what I have learned this week, in honor of Aubryn’s first birthday being TOMORROW, I am going to tell you what I have learned this year.

1.  How to change a diaper.

Don’t laugh.  Yes, I have cousins and friends with kids; and yes, I’ve changed a diaper before.  But this year I really learned how to change a diaper.  I have changed alot of diapers in the last year – some much, much worse than others, ahem. Although I can’t say that it’s necessarily something that I enjoyed, it is nice to have another human being be totally dependent on me – even for the most basic of things.

Speaking of having another person being more dependent on me for the most basic of things, I learned:

2.  How to breastfeed… and that it was one of my favorite things ever.

I’m not going to lie to you, it was hard and it was, at times, stressful and exhausting.  But it was wonderful.  Knowing that I was able to sustain Aubryn’s life with my own body was really special to me.   I loved sitting in the white corduroy chair in the nursery rocking Aubryn softly and nursing her.  My favorite time was the first feeding of the morning – 5 a.m.  It felt like the whole world was sleeping except for the two of us.

Which led me to learn:

3.  How to survive on very little sleep.

Seven ear infections since September.  Enough said.

4.  How much my own mother loves me.

I never knew how much my mom loves me until I had a daughter of my own.  A mother’s love is strong and unconditional and unwavering.  Don’t get me wrong, I love, cherish and adore my husband but there is just something different about the way that I love Aubryn.  It’s a fierce, protective yet unselfish and gentle love.  The kind of love where I don’t know what I would do if anything ever happened to her.  The kind of love that I never knew existed until she was born.  I realize it’s just a taste of how much God loves us.

5  How to fall deeper in love with my husband.

There was something about seeing Tom with Aubryn in those first moments after she was born that made me fall even deeper in love with him.  Honestly, I never would have thought that it was possible.  But it happened and it is amazing.

There are other things that I learned – how to give her a bath, how to take a baby’s temperature, how to cut her hair, when to call the doctor, where to buy the cutest little girl clothes and accessories, but most importantly, I learned.

6.  That I will never, ever tire of staring at her beautiful face with wonder and amazement – I learned how to be her mommy.

aubryn-and-mommy-1

Published in: on January 27, 2009 at 5:00 am  Comments (10)  

Aubryn. The beginning.

Aubryn was a bit of a surprise.  We had been married for two years and we had started to talk about having kids; but, I wanted a spring baby.  I ended up with a January baby but I would not change one single second.

After twenty weeks of morning sickness and craving nothing but baked potatoes, we found out that we were having a girl.  A girl! Now, I would have been happy with any healthy baby but I secretly wanted a girl – I come from a family of all girls after all.

At 28 weeks, I was admitted to Labor and Delivery with what was thought to be back labor.  Turns out it was really fluid around my kidneys from the weight of Aubryn and I was told that I would have to forgo my precious high heels.

At 36 weeks, I was admitted to Labor and Delivery again with IUGR. At that point, I had not dilated at all but was 50% effaced.  At 38 weeks, I had dilated to 1 cm.  At 39 weeks, I had closed and was not dilated at all!

At 39 weeks, 4 days, on January 27, 2008, my water broke.

To be continued…

Published in: on January 26, 2009 at 9:43 pm  Leave a Comment  

Where I’ve been.

Obsessively reading Twilight.

I’m late to the party.  I know.

I started Twilight around Thanksgiving when my sister lent me one of her copies.   I only got about 10 pages into it before the holidays happened and I just did not have time to pick it up again.  A friend lent me Twilight on CD so that I could listen to it on my way to and from work.  I started listening to it on the way home from work on Wednesday and by Friday night I was totally hooked.  I stayed up later than  I have stayed up in, well, years reading it on Friday night.  I could not put it down.

I borrowed New Moon from my sister yesterday and I am already about 1/3 of the way through it.

I am totally hooked.

Not only am I reading New Moon, I am still listening to Twilight on CD in the car.  Tom and I had a “date night” last night and I even made him listen to it in the car.  He is pretty incredulous that I am reading a book about vampires but I think that he secretly likes listening to it.

I had no idea what I was missing with the Twilight series.  What else am I missing out on?

Published in: on January 25, 2009 at 5:38 pm  Comments (4)  

Daddy’s toys.

“I like to get into my Daddy’s stuff”

ps

“I know that the white basket has my toys and the brown one has Daddy’s PS2 but I like the brown one better.”

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“Uh, oh.  I think that Mommy found me.”

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“Mommy moved the basket but I still found it.”

ps4

“Uh, oh.  Mommy found me again.”
ps5

“How am I going to get in there?”

Published in: on January 22, 2009 at 8:14 pm  Comments (3)  

Busted.

Daddy is totally busted.  I cane home from work a few nights ago to find that my husband had fed Aubryn this for dinner:

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No your eyes do not decieve you.  That is a french fry on a tray absent of any vegetables.  At least he was giving her a Clementine.

No wonder she fusses less when he feeds her!

Published in: on January 21, 2009 at 5:00 am  Comments (2)  

Hello lov-ahh.

Melissa from girlymama has tagged me in a meme created by Beth of Total Mom Haircut.  A meme!  Me?  It’s my first time!  I feel so loved…

Anywho, the meme is about PURSES!  Wheeee!  One of my absolutest favoritest things ev-er!  Here are the rules:

“1) Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you cannot go up to your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. I want to know what you carried today.
2) I want to know how much it cost 🙂 And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I’d love to hear it.
3) Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why the heck you’re showing everyone your diaper bag/non-diaper bag.”

Seeing as I work full-time and Aubryn goes to school, I left the house this morning with five (yes!  FIVE!) bags.  My purse, my work bag, my lunch bag, Aubryn’s diaper bag and Aubryn’s lunch bag.  That’s alot of bags.

1)  Here is my lov-ahh.  My Burberry bag that I never, ever leave the house without.

burberry

I carry this bag everywhere.  And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere.  This is the perfect bag.  It is the perfect size – fits the Blackberry, my wallet, sunglasses, lip balm, keys and a few miscellaneous items.  Don’t let the size fool you.  It carrys alot.

Did I mention that I never leave home without the Burberry?  Believe me I don’t. Case in point.  Here is the day that Aubryn was born.

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Notice to the right of Tom’s elbow.  What do you see?  Why, it’s the Burberry!  Told ya!

(And please don’t mind how I look.  This was literally within minutes of Aubryn’s birth.  It had been a loooooooong night with no epidural.  Yes, that’s right.  I was DENIED an epidural and all other pain medications – during CHILDBIRTH people!  But that is a story for a whole ‘nother post).

2)  I am ashamed to say that the Burberry cost somewhere in the $500 range.  No judgment!  But have I mentioned that I love it and that it goes absolutely everywhere with me?  And what is not to love?  It goes with brown, it goes with black, it goes with red.  I’ve even been known to carry it with pink and green.  You can carry it out to dinner with your husband or to meet girlfriends for coffee…  It is perfect for anywhere.

I actually purchased it at the Burberry store at a local mall.  I had purchased a pair of Burberry wellies for a work event which involved standing on the infield at a horse race but I never wore them so I decided to take them back and use my store credit for the purse instead.

I love the Burberry so much that my husband actually spent $600 to buy me this one for Christmas.  For the record, I made him take it back.  As much as it pained me, we just really couldn’t afford it.  I got a new vacuum and a coffee table instead.   Sexy, I know.

3)  I tag anyone who wants to play along!

And because you are dying to know, these are two of the other bags that I carry every day:

My work bag:

work-coach

It’s a Coach signature bag.  I paid around $200 for it at the Coach outlet and it’s a great, versatile bag.

And Aubryn’s diaper bag:

diaper-coach

It was about $200 at the Coach outlet.  I love it because it is pink inside and holds a ton of essentials!

diaper-coach-inside

Typically, I throw the Burberry inside my work bag or the diaper bag or just leave the work and diaper bags in the car and carry just the Burberry.  I’d show you the lunch bags but they are beyond boring.  Now it’s YOUR turn!

Published in: on January 20, 2009 at 9:11 pm  Comments (6)