Confession

I don’t think that I could be a stay-at-home mom.

There. I said it. Aside from the fact that being a stay-at-home mom would not work for our family – I am the primary bread-winner – I don’t know that I could do it.

Don’t get me wrong. I think that being a mom is the most rewarding and toughest job that anyone can have. It has certainly been the toughest job that I have ever had. But I’m not sure that I could stay at home full-time.

I love Aubryn more than anything. More than I ever thought that I could ever love another person. (I love my husband too but it is totally a different kind of love). I just don’t know that I could not work. I get a certain satisfaction and a certain amount of my identity from my job which I’m afraid would be lost if I ever left. I went to law school and got my MBA. I have a job with a “big” firm. I truly love what I do.

Plus, I’m afraid that I would never be able to go back. Philadelphia Magazine did a profile a few months ago on female attorneys who left the work force to raise a family and were now looking to get back into it. The short answer is that it really isn’t possible to go back. Law is always changing and evolving. Taking any amount of time off seriously prohibits your ability to advance or even keep your career. Is my career as important as my daughter – no. I, however, truly believe that I can have both.

Aubryn is in a wonderful school and my parents help out alot. Although I am not there as much as I would like to be, my daughter has a wonderful relationship with her maternal grandparents. She gets things at school that I could never give her – like art and music and social interaction with peers. Every time I go in there (and I do stop in unannounced from time to time), she is being held by or playing with an adult. They really seem to love my little girl.

Could I work less? Not right now. Not at this point in my career and not with our current family situation (my husband is back in school and we have little things to pay for – like our mortgage and school loans). Could we move to a less expensive area? Maybe. We tried that and despite being on the market for close to six months, our house did not sell. I do have to admit that knowing that I have to work does make going to work easier.

That’s not to say that I miss Aubryn terribly all day every day. I have learned how to work more efficiently. I try to get into my office by 7:30, skip lunch, and leave by 5 so that I can pick Aubryn up most days. I wish for more time in the day and more time with my baby; but, my working full-time is just what works for our family right now. Maybe it will be someday but not right now.  Having both parents work is not best for every family but it is right for us.

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Published in: on January 5, 2009 at 6:00 am  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Everyone’s different and only YOU know what’s right for your family. I’m at home, but am I really HERE? Not really. Sometimes I think my kids would be better off with a caregiver who could devote her entire day to them. It’s hard to know. We’re all doing what we feel is best! 🙂

  2. This easily could be my own post. While I have my moments of wanting to stay home since I feel that I do miss out on a lot, I also know myself and I know that I would start longing for the corporate environment again. Nothing wrong with your confession…sort of like my confession that I was a relieved and even happy to wean and stop pumping (and gasp, before ABL’s 1st bday).


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